Winter

Argh, my room is sooo small. I don't have enough space for my films, prints and mock-ups. I'm using half of my bed ( and floor ) as a desk. Makes me want to sell my queen sized bed and buy a single one.

One more week till assessment then it's freedom!!

Gambatte, Misheru and to everyone else who're having exams now and soon. :) Semester One is ending and we're ( hopefully ) moving onto Semester 2.

I've been gaining weight. It's winter and my body can't function if I don't eat. I get tired and cold too easily. So, everyone...watch out for a fatter Misheru when she comes home next week. I hope Marionette will be thankful I'm gaining back my ass again...and ignore all my fatty flabs. ;)

Handwashing Wool Sucks

I've been handwashing some of my clothes since I've lived in Melbourne. Most of my clothes come out fine ( as in wearable ). I thought it was safe to start handwashing my delicate clothes as in clothes made out of wool.

I washed a sweater I bought when I first reached Melbourne. I dried it and laid it down flat ( yes, I am smart because I know if I hang it; it'll stretch as the water drips down ). *Happy proud beam* I can be a good housewife, I thought...

...until I wore it today.


Ma de. From a sweater; it became a little black dress. (-_-") It was a long sweater, from what I recall but I honestly don't remember it doubling as a dress. It's worked out fine, since I don't own a dress here.

I guess I'll give it another go with another wool item. I may not be qualified to be a housewife yet but I'm sure Marionette's crummy t-shirts will do just fine in the washing machine. Now, I can iron too!! *Happy proud beam*

Some people ask me about my hair so I should really start asking my hair salon for commission. :P Marionette commented that I should have dyed it more. My next hair cut will be a pixie cut and I'll bleach it platinum blonde. It's Australia, no one cares!! Muahaha.

A Korean Hair Salon

Hairstylist, Hwa Hyun Lee showing the end result of his work to his customer.

Misheru Sold Out

A while ago, I had a helmet haircut and looked girly; as to compared to my messy hair when I first came here. I know I said I preferred to stick to pure black but without my messy tails, I seriously looked tired if I didn't put in curlers the night before or styled the helmet nicely. I looked...plain ( eww ).

As you all know, I did my documentary on a Korean hair salon. Today, I went back to talk to Chris. Why did he come migrate from Korea to Melbourne, why did he open a salon, yada yada. Chris is really nice and actually remembers my name. When we were done with the chat, I asked him about coloring my hair. He said I should keep my black hair because it suits me really well. I told him that was a definite yes but I wanted to do highlights with Sunny; the hairstylist I shot. He slot me in for an appointment.

I know you guys are just hoping for me to get straight to the point.

Okay, fine, I went ash blonde!! I admit it!! I'm not special! I'm not a pure Oriental doll now. Instead, I am a "gangsta". :( I'm sorryyyy. There was the option of red but I've always tried red highlights back in KL so I didn't want to go back to the same thing. Sunny did some layering with the highlights.


If I flip the top part of my hair up, all you can see is lots of ash blonde hair. This is considered layered highlights, because the black hair weaves in and out with the ash blonde hair.

I think I'll stick to Sunny as my hairstylist because she likes the same hairstyles as me. We're thinking of going 'pixie-cut' the next round.

The hairstylists told me they were going to join a competition and might need my favor to shoot for them. I told them I was only a student and had no professional experience. They said it didn't matter. o_O I hope they were just joking. It'll be good to support them and help them out the way they've helped me but honestly, I'm only a student! I guess if I'm shooting with a DSLR, things should be alright. I'll be rooting for them because I do hope Asian hairstylists will be able to stand tall among foreign hairstylists.

P/S: I know I'm going to get labelled "la la" when I go home next week but I don't care because over here, no one really gives a damn. Hah. This is one of the good things about studying abroad. You start to care less about what people think.

P/P/S: That's right, I'm coming home next week!! My ash blonde hair and me can't wait to meet you all again.

Two Beautiful Girls

Children are beautiful. I met Maya and Tully last weekend. Maya is 5 and Tully is 2. When I met them in the afternoon, they were grumpy. I took out 2 lollipops and immediately, their eyes lit up.

They showed me their doll house and fairy costumes. Their mother explained to them that I was like their teacher in kindergarten. This meant they had to co-operate with me and try to do what I asked them to do.

I worked with, "when I say 1,2,3...you smile really big for me and say 'cheeseeee', okay?". The girls nodded. One thing about shooting kids, they have a very short attention span. You have to learn to hold their attention.

I shot a couple of shots of Tully. When I asked her, "can we do 1 more?". She shook her head and said, "later." (-_-") So, later it was. I switched from shooting Maya to Tully and then back to Maya again. That way, they had a little bit of break in between.

I told them if they did a good job for me, I'd give them another lollipop. Bribery is bad, I know.


This is Maya, the older of 2. She loves the camera and has a beautiful smile. She was hanging from the swings, giving me and her mother heart attacks. Try carrying a camera ( attached to a tripod ) in one hand, and trying to carry a kid down from the swings with the other.


Maya, almost falling off the swing. Adorable!


Maya starting to climb all over the swings, like a little monkey. I can't imagine what Marionette and I will do when our kids do the same.


It's not a great shot but I like her little smile. It seems like she's going to do something naughty.


This is Tully. For a 2-year old, she can talk very well. She's so tiny and cute. The kids have a beautiful room.


My lecturer selected this shot for portraits. She said the rest were boring and this was 'interesting'. It's so subjective - what's boring and what's interesting, isn't it? I would love shooting my kids, as they grow up.

Sorry about the shitty scan job. I scanned them in the lab. In a way, I hate how shitty 35mm scans come out in the lab, but in another way - I like the rawness of how film scans look. Sometimes, digital pictures just look...too...sharp?? I don't know how to explain it. :)

I'm actually done with my folio but I'm not too happy with my work. I'm thinking of re-shooting portraits but I don't have anyone else to shoot. I'm thinking that I should just take it easy a bit and concentrate on getting my paperwork done. Visual diaries and computation books are worth 10% so I'll try to concentrate on that. Most people are still shooting folio so that makes me nervous, like they're shooting really good work and I wonder why I'm done early. I wonder if the lecturer thinks that I can only reach up to 'this' level; that's why she approves my shots - hence, I am done early?

Argh, I shouldn't think too much. As long as I pass!!

Shouting It Out Loud

I'm so excited!

I found Rinko Kawauchi's book, "The Eyes, The Ears"!!!!!

I needed to shout this out on my blog. Will update later, I need to shower now. I smell of beer, coffee, cake and cigarrettes. Way too masculine. I want to smell like body soap now, like a real girl. The boys looked at my book and said the photographs are not to their taste. I wish the husband was here. I want to show him my newly bought book while we're in bed...because he can feel what I feel about fine art photography.

Elinor Carucci

Near my apartment, there is a small bookstore which sells books for a decent price. Some are second hand ones and some are just old books. I visit it to look out for some old vintage photography books.

Today was a good day for me, I actually bought 3 for $35! The first one that caught my eye is Elinor Carucci's "Closer". She photographs her life and the people in it ( her parents, grandparents, brother and husband ), physically and intimately. Sometimes, it's a little too intimate for my liking ( there was a shot of her menstrual blood in the toilet bowl ).

I've seen her work in other books before but this one was her very own book, "Closer". She has 4 books and I like "Closer" more than "Diary of A Dancer". I'm trying to look for "Crisis" - a book photographing a period of time when her marriage was rocky. One of the hardest things to do is to convey a meaning through pictures effectively. That is exactly the reason why I like her work.


"My Mother And I In A Hotel Room" - Closer
Her mother is one of her consistent subjects in her photographs. Sometimes, Elinor photographs the both of themselves nude. o_O You can tell that the both of them have a very good relationship. There are some shots of Elinor in her underwear with her father or brother in "Closer".


"Will It Feel The Same" - Crisis
Because it's from 'Crisis', I know it's about her rocky marriage at that moment. When I see this picture, alongside the title - I presume they are about to make love and she is wondering if it will feel the same. Very nice play of soft light to sculpt their bodies.


"Two Eyes" - Closer
Her mother's and her eyes. I like the way the contours of their faces form a separation.


"Making Love" - Closer
This piece is really fascinating. It's about movement, sensuality and intimacy in this simple shot. Do note that it's "making love"( what you see here ) and not "fucking"( what you see in porn pictures ) - a very big difference.

If you like Elinor's work, do check out her website. She's currently teaching at the School of Visual Arts. I think her website is designed and maintained by her husband. :) What a coincidence, is her husband a designer too?

Life

I was hoping to get this shot into my folio collection but the lecturer said it was boring. Nevertheless, this remains a shot that I personally like. I'm not being stubborn because I intake my lecturer's advice too. I'll probably have another go at this kind of shot.



Sometimes, when it comes to shooting things which are still ( not still life photography ), I try to wait for the best time to click the shutter and capture an "evidence of a living object" in the frame. For example, you can see that everything is just lifeless in the shot. I saw a woman walking briskly in her Birkenstocks and I clicked the shutter. I have to know timing better because I would prefer to have the legs more towards the side, not dead-center. There're some things which belong dead center but if I intend to have a hint of "life" in it; I'd probably click the shutter when she was almost out of the frame. It's all about timing.

Bubble Gum House

I'm going to sleep now. 3 hours of sleep last night is not cutting out for me. I'm getting too old to be staying up, finishing assignments. I will be rejuvenated when I awaken from my slumber in 2 hours' time.

Rawrrr.

Another Emo Entry

One of the constant frustrations I always feel is the separation of being a photographer and a designer. I'm sure I've written about this before. I am now sitting in front of the computer, trying to think of an idea for studio tomorrow.

Studio terrifies me. I feel that the lecturer is a little mean. When it came to my previous shot, I asked him if there was anything I should do with my lighting. He told me it looked pretty good. When review came, he started talking about things I SHOULD have done with my lighting. I was like, "what the fuck!?". Why didn't he tell me that when I asked his opinion during studio class?! Perhaps it's the lecturer which makes me dread studio sessions. Maybe I'm just being sensitive. Who knows? We've heard he told a classmate that photography should never be that classmate's career and he should drop out. o_O Is that what an educator does?? At times like this, I feel like TOA's lecturers are better. They will never tell us that design wasn't meant for us, no matter how bad our design was.

My studio shots are very one-dimensional. I rely too much on my design skills to pull me through in each shot. Hence, most of my shots look like design compositions rather than photography compositions. Technically, I'm not good at all and I'm afraid to try new things in studio. I vow to do this in Semester 2 even though the lecturer might say it's fine and then in review, tell me what I should have done. Frustrating but I've got to try. I will not give up and be intimated and scared by him.

People tend to be able to recognize my work and I don't think it's good. I think I've also talked about this before. It means my work is very one-dimensional and my standard really sucks. I'm prepared to get low grades for studio. I just hope I don't fail. When I look at all my studio shots, I feel like just burning them. I've never felt so much hate for any of my work before ( in design or photography ).

Tonight is one of the nights when I feel broken in spirit. I'm close to finishing Semester 1 and therefore, I tell myself I'm going to give it all I've got for this semester.

Right now, I'm hoping an ingenius idea will come to me. I'm waiting...I'm researching...I'm so tired. Last few weeks of final semesters are always tiring. Seeing that I've graduated from college 4 years ago, I forgot what it feels like.

I'm really afraid I'm not meant to be in photography, neither am I a designer. Does this mean I am worthless? Talentless? Weak? My location lecturer tells me to use my design skills to photograph but yet, I feel the studio lecturer is not too pleased I am constantly creating design-based images rather than images which are strong in photography. I feel so...contradicted.

Documentary Shooting

My roll with the kids came out fine. I'm hoping I can get some portraits folio out from them. Yesterday, I went to my friend's friend's cafe to try to shoot a documentary on the cafe. It didn't work out because they were too fast-paced.

Manager: I don't mind you shoot them but don't interrupt them while they're working.

Wah lau. By the time I set up my flash and camera, they've changed position. By the time I meter the light, they've gone from washing dishes to sweeping the floor. Cannot la. I was stressed but I thanked them anyway.

I then proceeded to Chinatown to try my luck at the Korean hair salon I always go to. I was expecting them to disallow me to shoot a docu there. However, the owner Chris was really quite nice. I went there, talked a whole bunch and paused; catching my breath. He replied very slowly, "errmmm, okayyy. I don't mind."

When Ravin called me, he was shocked to find out that I've found another back-up documentary location. "Damn fast, right?" he asked. I had called him earlier, on the verge of stressing myself bonkers when the cafe docu didn't work out. But I guess, it has to be fast. Sometimes, you just have to do or die. I'd prefer not to die aka fail, thank you very much. I wonder why I had so much courage and determination to approach the Korean salon; not having planned anything or which angles to shoot from. Perhaps, this will backfire on me because my rolls won't come out as expected in the brief.

So, there I was from 4.00pm to 8.00pm shooting everything. There was a hairstylist who had the exact haircut as Rain. I didn't mention this to Chris but I told him I love Rain. Chris laughed ( he's really shy so he doesn't really laugh, he just gives a small chuckle ). He pointed to the male hairstylist ( with the Rain haircut ) and told me, "he was supposed to be Rain's hairstylist in the recent Sydney concert".

"NO WAY!!!" I almost screamed.

Chris nodded. "Yeah, Rain's management called him but he was too busy and couldn't fly down to Sydney. In Korea, he was a hairdresser to the celebrities." That's like 2 degrees of separation from me to Rain. Perhaps next time they need a photographer, they'd call me? Hahaha. *Layan diri*

I think I overstayed my welcome a bit in the salon, being there till they closed. I met a friend in the salon and asked if I could shoot her picture as well since I need some interaction shots. She agreed.

If my documentary goes well, I'm only left with 2 more shots of Landscape folio then I'm done with folio! Printing, mounting and presentation comes next. But at least, the folio bit is done. Oh my God, I'm so nervous. I have to send the rolls to be processed and get 10 shots out of them, and fitting all 4 criterias of the documentary brief. Sometimes, this is really a one-off thing. If I don't succeed, I'd have to go back and re-shoot some stuff. This time, my friend won't be there anymore and Chris is cautious about the flash disturbing other clients. :( Wahhhh, damn scared. I think I do need to go back and re-shoot stuff. If lecturer is not happy with the compositions of some shots...

P/S: I'm a little excited about coming home soon. I can't be full-on excited because I still have work to finish off. If I'm done with assessment, then I'll be freaking excited. Only 2 and a half more weeks till I come home!!

The Beautiful Decay

Some of us have planned on being advertising photographers, some are all about fashion and a couple are thinking of photojournalism. We have a major here called Multimedia Photography. Apparently, we merge multimedia and photography - optimizing photography for new media? It does sound rather appealing but I'm not sure if I want to do that.

I'm not too sure how the new media business is doing in Malaysia. I should because the husband works in the new media industry. Smelly Oppa does too but I don't really talk business with them. I know it's too early to start thinking about this but Semester 1 is ending soon. Semester 2 will end in no time and pretty soon, all of us first-year students will have to select our majors.

According to the lecturer, the advertising industry doesn't seem to be growing much in comparison to the editorial industry. I love editorial work. So clean, so properly composited, ahhh, 'tis the life. I can imagine shooting editorial all the time. :)

Oh yeah, originally I wanted to just post a picture I took today with Joyi's D80. A DSLR is pretty handy at times. Instant pictures!


I know the text placement is dodgy. Marionette's not online so I can't ask him to help me. :(

A year ago; if someone told me I'd like to photograph organic stuff, I'd have sock 'em on their heads. I saw those dying flowers under a tree in Melbourne University. It was a "No Stepping On Grass" section. I climbed over the bounding chains in a dress and boots. Nothing can stop me from my flowers. Nothing!!

Okay, I've got to go sleep now. I have to go look at a cafe as a location tomorrow. Tomorrow's the day I process the rolls with kids shots in them. I'll talk about the kids shoot if the rolls come out fine. I don't want to jinx my rolls. *Worried look*

Everyone have a good Monday, okay?!! It's going to be gloomy in Melbourne because the forecast mentioned thunderstorms and possible hailing. (-_-") Melbourne is pretty gloomy right now. Suits the stress levels of us students.

My Friends in Melbourne

We sneaked into Melbourne University to take pictures today. I made the boys take pictures for and with me.


It's a cat made from real wood. I asked Ravin to sit on it. He looked grossed out and declared he would never sit on wood with moss growing out from it. Wah lau. And I thought I was a princess.


I whacked him on the arm. "Cannot smile issit?!" I asked. And when he did smile for the next picture, I accidentally cropped myself out of the frame. So, we'll make do with this one.


Then I made all three of us take a group shot. Joyi rolled his eyes but participated anyway. We're quite a multi-racial group. Ravin's Indian, I'm Chinese and Joyi is half German-Chinese. Note: Chubby cheeks do not mean we are fat. We're just fat...in our cheeks.

I am actually enjoying the fact that I can wear stockings now. Let's not call them pantyhose, shall we? It just sounds like something our mothers would wear. I look as though I'm ready to go teach a bunch of kindergarten kids. :) Let's hope I don't bring the habit of wearing stockings back to Malaysia in June. The husband would positively find me un-appealing because I'd remind him of a housewife or something. I'm feminine today. I jumped up and down and asked Ravin "do I look Japanese today!? Do I? Do I?" He glanced at me and said, "yeah la, yeah la...kawaii la". Haha, I love forcing people to give me the kind of answers I want.

P/S: For those who know Grace ( like Nyin and Stella ), she was in the papers yesterday! :) I was pleasantly surprised when I saw her picture. Okay, it's not my place to announce that, right? Sorry, Grace. Too bad I wasn't at Federation Square.

Being Feminine...Not

I must have been crazy today. Or stressed out. Or too confused with photography and what makes a good or bad image. Because...I actually bought this top. It looks as though it has spots on it, right? It's actually a top with flowers and gold threads running down. Seriously, flowers and gold threads!?! What was I thinking of?

I am now running through the reasons why I actually bought it? Because the sales lady was nice? Because it was reasonably priced? I'm settling on the fact that I wanted to look feminine and got sick and tired of wearing black.

My style sense in Melbourne is zero. Really zero. I wear black and grey most of the times. I have short hair, which I now tuck behind my ears. I've traded in my hoop earrings for diamond studs. You can imagine what an awful sight I'm in. No style, no sex appeal, zero.

My first attempt to buy a feminine top. I failed because I don't even dare to wear it to class. People will look at me and raise their eyebrows because I've established the vibes that I'm a tomboy. I think I should just stick to black tops.

Beautiful Moss Has A Friend

Again, another $11 to scan this one:-


The colors are supposed to be more vibrant. I am stressing out about my color management for prints. This is also one of my prints. Some of you might have seen a different one last time. I shot this on a cloudier day; to get an overall cool tone in the image. This is also another one of my macro shots. I stuck the little teddy at the back; to add a little bit of humour and cuteness into the shot. Also, it was to fulfill the brief's requirement of the juxtaposition of subject matters.

Shooting macro is always a little tricky. Because my macro lens has a fixed focal length, I have to take a little time to properly frame my shot and make sure my depth of field is under control. Sometimes, there might be a bit of problem in trying to read the light with the meter because my subject matter is even smaller than the invercone. Even with spot metering, it might not be very accurate.

Although exposure can be a little tricky, I still love doing macro shots. The little fine details of different subject matters really fascinate me. This is also making me wonder if I am more suited to be a Fine Art photographer.

I'm a little down because overall, my folio work doesn't seem to do much for me. However, this is only the beginning. I am now wondering if I am not pushing myself hard enough.

White Beauty

The earlier ones were shit scans. I scanned the earlier trannies in the computer lab. This one cost me $11 to scan:-


One of my folio shots; scanned at hi-res for print. These flowers were super tiny. I used a basket and positioned these uber tiny flowers around it; lit with a table lamp from behind. One of my macro shots.

Shadows

I wonder if anyone understands why I took this shot?

Lilac & White

I like to shoot subject matters which are delicate; almost on the verge of falling apart. Perhaps I ought to be in Fine Art photography instead?

Pigeon Love

An afternoon at St. Kilda. Pigeons resting by the seaside.

TV Show

It was peculiar to find a TV by the road.

OK GO!!

I know OK Go's been around for some time but I just discovered them. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw their videos.


Here It Goes Again


A Million Ways To Be Cruel

Something to cheer you up for the day. :) Good catchy songs too!

A Pair of Boots

I bought boots today! It's so hard to decide because there're tons of boots and I didn't want to spend too much. I tried on a pair which I was 1/2 satisfied with. I thought that since it's the first pair, I might as well not splurge on it so I know what I'm looking for when it comes to the next pair. :) Smart, eh?

The boys went for a drink while I bought my boots. When I met up with the boys, I showed them my boots. After I tried them on, there was silence. Joyi expected me to look like a Shibuya girl and Ravin was hoping I had gotten those crazy-high-heeled slutty boots.

"Why is it so...bulky?" Ravin asked.

"If you want my honest opinion; it's too big for you - around the calves," Joyi said, bluntly. "It doesn't go with what you usually wear."
Does that mean I actually wear tight clothes all the time?!!

(-_-") I guess they didn't like it or they were expecting me to look either like a Japanese porn star or a slutty girl. What the hell...how can I go shoot if I had those kind of boots on? They shouldn't hope too much from me la. I'm a tomboy now.


I need to get better jeans because it clumps around the knees. That was the reason why I bought the boots with a bigger cut around the calves; because I wanted to tuck my jeans in and probably wear thick socks during winter. The boys ar...don't know practicality wan lor. Only think of boots = sex.

But I do admit that it looks a little bulky around the calves. If I got them one size smaller, the calves area would be just fine but the soles will be too small. Maybe Asian girls' calves are just smaller than Caucasian girls? :( We have shapeless legs.

Perhaps I am too influenced by Haruka Ayase from Tatta Hitotsu no Koi. She's beautiful. If I end up being a fine art photographer, I'd be dressing like her 24/7. Unfortunately, I have to walk alot with heavy equipment, so I can't wear stuff like this:-


Kamenashi Kazuya and Haruka Ayase in Tatta Hitotsu no Koi.


Haruka Ayase.

Alright, back to homework now. Goodnight, kids. :) And yet another smart entry from me; all about boots and Haruka Ayase.

New Hair Again

Whenever I feel stressed, I go chop my hair off. Today was no different. I wanted to try some Caucasian hair salons. Apparently, they give hip haircuts but they were full. I tried 2 more other salons and they were full too. I didn't know Aussies love cutting their hair. Maybe they're stressed like me too?

So, I went back to the Korean hair salon I frequently visit. I described what I wanted and the hairstylist seemed to understand.

"Victoria Beckham???" she asked.

"Errr, yeah, I guess," I replied, uncertainly. Even if she didn't get what I wanted, having Mrs Beckham's hairstyle should be pretty safe.

*Snip*Snip*Snip*

I saw lots of hair on the floor. I gulped. When it was done, I told the hairstylist, "very old-fashioned, can you make it more funky?"

I don't think she understood the word "funky". She grinned and looked up at me through the mirror, "your hair is very black, your face shape is very nice, this hairstyle very retro. I like it."

(-_-") Ma de. "I don't like it," I told her, calmly. "Layer it more."

She smiled and layered it more. I don't necessarily love my hairstyle now. I almost wanted to ask her to razor alot of the back off. She looked horrified and said, "no no, this length good." She merely razored a little of my back hair. Okay, fine. I suppose I should maintain a little bit of feminity in my hairstyle.

My hair at its current state:-


I actually wanted it to slope from the back to the front.


The other side. I actually have one small tail on each side of the back of my neck.


There, can you see my little tail? I have one on the other side too. Ravin looked at my neck and realized that the hairstylist didn't shave a small patch of fine hair at the back. "You look like a freak," he informed me. He took a new shaver and shaved my whole neck. I feel very clean now.


It kinda looks like a helmet. Oriental doll, much? :) That's why I prefer having my hair pure black now because the Asians here tend to have light brown - ash blonde hair.

I think I look more girly with this hairstyle. I'm not used to that. I think I'll go back one day and ask her to cut away one side, so I'll have one side short and one side long. I wonder if Marionette will still want me. Ravin said Marionette will have alot to say if I do that. I'm sure Marionette will still love me even though I shave bald. *Pauses* I think.

DIY Day

Today, I took the tram to Armadale...all by myself! I've never realized how much I love sitting in the tram, watching everything and drowning in music. I don't have time to just take the tram and travel to nowhere in particular. I'd like to do that one day. It's a good way to mark down good locations for future references.

Armadale is lovely. It's a little suburban area, with lots of houses and trees. I was shooting autumn in a suburban area. I'm not sure if the way I perceive autumn will be acceptable to the lecturer or not. I hope so!! Last night, I dreamnt she scolded me for not doing enough visual research. What!? I was doing visual research on Imogen Cunningham and Diane Arbus! I shouldn't be dreaming that lor.

I am now with blue-black hair again because my brown hair is starting to show again. I can't stand any slight tinge of brown in my hair so I coloured it ( all by myself! ) this time. Will have to stand under the sun to see if the blue came out. I like having blue-black hair. It makes me feel very Asian. :)

Anyway, my little wall of pictures is growing!!


I have my work there, Marionette's work ( of baby Ori ), Annie Leibovitz's work and finally an illustration I got from the magazine, Frankie. I like it - it's a watercolor painting of birds and it has the words "love you" at the bottom. I don't know who the artist is loving la but it reminds me of Marionette. Heh. That will do for now before I have a good big print of his portrait.

Okay, I've got to catch up on my computation data for some folio shots. It's all about diagrams and lighting ratios tonight. (-_-") Whoever said photographers are just image makers?

Delicate Images

There is a group of photographers whom all photographers or students of photography call "Masters of Photography". They are the pioneer group of people who invented the first photographic device, developed photography styles and are basically the first ever true photographers. These are the people who have never shot with digital. That should say a lot. They didn't need technology to create masterpieces.

One of my favourite master photographer is Imogen Cunningham. She's best known for her delicate floral images and nude images.


Good lines, forms, compositions. I like how even the shadows help to render the shapes out.


Again, good lines and forms.


A famous piece Imogen Cunningham took of her friend for fun. It's called "Phoenix Recumbent". It's said that this piece gives a playful feeling, and yet - the woman looks as though she is being regretful.

If you looked at these images and asked, "what's so great? I can shoot like that also"; I'm so disappointed. (-_-") Can't you see the framing, the lighting, the whole flow of the subject matter and also, the details? Best of all, the delicacy in Imogen's work??

I hope Marionette didn't think that when he looked at the images. As a person with a creative background, I hope he appreciates fine art photography as much as I do. We're both on opposite sides of the scale. He's a new media designer ( dealing with the web and stuff ) where else I am an analogue person right now ( dealing with film and having a bit of distaste for the whole "Photoshopping pictures" thing ).

I reckon we'll be having petty fights about old and new school methods of art. But then again, we should all have the same appreciation for art. I always bug him to show me his work because right now, technology and new media design is such a foreign thing to me. When he shows me his work, I'm still fascinated with his work; just as how I was when I first met him 3 years ago. I'm glad I don't have to lie to him and go, "oh wow, I love your work". Can you imagine how awful I would feel? I always tell him my honest opinion. I wonder if he would tell me his honest opinion about my work?

P/S: How did an entry about a master in photography end up being a lovey-dovey entry about my boyfriend? Argh. *Slaps myself* Love is sickening sometimes.

A Night In Uni

I went to uni to shoot some *environmental portraits of Ravin. freaked out because I've not fully understood the usage of flash; which we learnt last week.
*Environmental portraits: Shooting a person in an environment that can stand alone; even if you take the person out of the shot. The environment and the subject matter must have an inter-relationship.

Ravin was trying to coach me through it; while being my talent. There were complications; I wanted to shoot him in front of his locker but the flash would create awful reflections on the metal surface of the lockers. A polarizer filter might reduce the reflections but we don't know by how much. I didn't have a polarizer filter. A snoot will help me direct the flash onto his face; minimizing light on the lockers. I haven't made a snoot. Bad, bad, bad student - I am.

Two second year students popped their heads in; to see what we were up to.

I looked up, in despair and asked them, "would you seniors care to help us juniors?". I had to say 'us' but in reality, only I needed help. The both of them were Japanese. One mumbled something. I couldn't understand his heavily accented English. The other one spoke better English. He stepped in, took my light meter and measured the light of my ambient.

He handed it back to me, pointed at my camera and then, my flash and commanded, "shoot at 1 sec @ f4."

(-_-") <--- This was my face when he told me that.

Got Senpai teach things like that wan meh? Just tell people what to shoot, without explaining. I asked him, "why?!!". He explained it but he's a little advanced and I got confused. He took a deep breath and looked at me as though I was the world's biggest idiot. I looked around for the other Senpai but he was talking to Joyi about other stuff. What to do? Listen to Senpai #1 lor. Don't really understand how he calculated but scared he would punch me for being so stupid.

I am assuming I got no folio shots out of this roll. The boys wanted to experiment some stupid stuff ; which included of me ( pressing the shutter ), Ravin ( talent ), Michael ( throwing a paper plane at Ravin ) and Joyi ( tracking the plane with a flash ). Ok, if it turns out fine; it'll be a cool shot but if it doesn't - my theory of them being complete idiots is true.

What an unproductive night - paper aeroplanes, me climbing on chairs and setting my tripod on tables, Senpai(s) who are need to learn to explain better and the night ended with the boys throwing paper planes at each other. (-_-") I need to hang out with girls, like seriously.

Marionette's New Babe

While I'm slaving away in uni over here, I always imagine Marionette working/ saving money/ playing games/ taking care of the baby Ori. A very nice, trusting girlfriend - I am, I say I am.

Then, I found the last 3 entries in his blog dedicated completely to...cars. I've never seen him write 3 continuous entries about me! (-_-")

Got testimonial some more:-
"This babe costs about RM 240,000.00 ( Wald specs) but the interior is a little too humble. Esp the material they used inside; it's a little cheap looking. Well, I dont know what they used but styling wise - it can be better. I'll still buy that car if I've got money, definitely!"

Wah lao. I've never seen him write more than 15 words about me in his blog also. He was rattling on about this new "babe" - Wald GTI by VW ( ok, I don't know what's the correct order and I don't care ). RM 240, 000 for that car!?!!? Something tells me I need to go back to Malaysia real soon and talk about priorities in life.


Marionette and the stupid car enemy. The answer to his bubble thought is "yes, the wife will kill you if you buy that car". When I saw that picture, I didn't even notice the car. I just thought "hmm, the camera needs a polarizer to reduce reflections".

I repeat, RM 240,000 for that car!? If he gets to buy that car, I want to spend the same amount of money on cameras, clothes and other girly stuff. Then, we'll be broke - living in a miserable, small house with a Wald GTI, cameras, tons of clothes and girly stuff ... and nothing else. We won't even have money to feed our puppy Ori and we'll have to give him up. *Sobs* Sounds like a responsible life, noh?? Welcome to the future lives of Marionette and Misheru.

Androgyny Is Kinda Wonderful

Today was a half-good, half-bad day. I've decided to be optimistic and claim I had a GOOD day. Remember, no more ( I mean, I'll try to minimize ) emo entries. So today, I took the train to Glenferrie this afternoon. I had just finished shooting a portraiture of a friend and was rushing to go shoot another one. I soon came to realize; completing 2 portrait shoots in a day is really too good to be true; that's why it never came true.

It was my first time taking the train alone and I get freaked out whenever I'm taking a new method of transportation. Examples: 1) First time on tram - freaked out. 2) First time driving a car - freaked out and got into an accident. 3) First time on bicycle - freaked out and fell to the ground. 4) First time on feet - I probably freaked out, fell and wailed like a baby ( no pun intended ).

The train was pretty full because everyone was heading back to their homes. In came a Japanese looking girl dressed like a tomboy, with a cap on sideways and low jeans. She stood next to me, I withdrew my hand from the handle of the seat because I thought she needed it more. She held onto the handle, then saw me lugging all my stuff. She withdrew her hand. I paused, not holding the handle. Then I grew uncomfortable when I sensed her looking at me; then back at the handle because I assume she wanted me to grab onto it? I looked up and then, I got confused.

I honestly didn't know if she was a very pretty boy or a very cute girl. I think I just looked terribly confused. In fact, he/ she looks like that actor in Lovely Complex. Don't you think that actor can look like a girl too?? I turned my attention back to my shoes. I tried to see if he/she had breasts or not but I couldn't tell. When there was a space at the end of the train, I hid in the corner. When I looked up for a while, I saw she/ he was looking at me. Probably to check if I had breasts? Okay, I'm making myself seem homophobic but I'm not! I just made friends with a friend's friend who's gay. I was merely afraid the girl thought I was a guy because the boys mentioned that sometimes girls check me out, thinking I'm a pretty Asian boy ( when I'm decked out for an outdoor shoot ).

So, there were a few questions running through my head:-
1) Was that a boy or a girl?
2) Did he/ she think I was a he/ she?
3) Does that mean he's gay if he thinks I'm a boy?
4) Does that mean she's a lesbian if she thinks I'm a girl?
5) If it's a she, does she think I'm a boy?

See how mind-boggling it is? It means the both of us are androgynous looking. Okay, the point of this story was NOT to seem homophobic/ say I'm getting checked out but to merely tell my very weird moment on the train. When I got to my stop, I jumped out of the train because it was just too weird; having an androgynous person checking out another androgynous person aka me. It seemed we were just trying to identify if we were respectively boys or girls.

It was a pure moment of confusion; not knowing how to judge one's gender and not knowing how that person is judging my gender. It is kind of cool. I like to grab girls' attention away from the boys when I'm with them. They claim I spoil their market but I just smirk, lower my cap hood even more and act cool.

Disclaimer to the husband: I wasn't checking any boys out!! You're the only guy in my heart; well, except myself of course. *Lowers cap hood and smirks*

Grill'd Burgers Are Yummm

I've come to a realization that my blog is no longer fun. It's just a blog of a pissy, stressed-out, can't deal with pressure 24-year old woman girl. That's no fun!! Boo. Then again, there is nothing fun happening in life ( there I go again!! It's an automatic reaction. What have I become?! ). Anyway, even though there is nothing fun going on - I've vowed ( ok, I'm trying ) to make this less of an emo blog.

Grill'd is one my favourite places. I've sinned, I eat beef burgers sometimes and today was one of the days. I just had a craving for a beef burger and I dragged the boys to St. Kilda's. They tried it and went, "not bad". Actually, Joyi scoffed down his burger, ate my chips and finished off 1/4 of my one burger. He's a bottomless pit!!


They even have a website! I can't imagine Malaysia's Ramlee burgers having a website. :) When Marionette comes down in June, I'll bring him to eat Grill'd burgers. Fucking awesome.

Okay, so that wasn't a very fun and happy entry. It is about food though and people's been advising me to eat up or I'll die during winter. One meal a day isn't good enough? I drink lots of coffee. Coffee has milk, doesn't it? Shouldn't that maintain my weight? And I'm not that skinny, people ask me what I weigh and when I tell them, they go "really? I thought you'd weigh more." Ta ma de. (-_-") That's like saying I look fatter than I am? My reply is always, "yeah, I look thinner without my clothes". I should just lie and tell everyone I weigh at least bloody 50kgs. It'll be less insulting than..."you look like you weigh more!": translate - "you look fat".

Lost My Way

Been a bit of a bad day for me. Got a bad review for my studio shot, the topic was 'Rust'. The lecturer had something nice to say about every single person's work except mine. It's not that I am fishing for compliments but it just goes to show that there was nothing that worked in my studio shot. I think.

I present the catastrophe:-



It became too much about 'the fairy' rather than the rust items so it wasn't about 'rust' anymore. The lecturer made us talk about our own shot this time around. I talked about crappy composition, terrible lighting, etc. He agreed that the fairy grabbed attention away from the rust and said it was all about pre-production values. And that was that. Just about the fucking fairy. Honestly, I feel like crap - like my studio skills really suck. It does, actually.

I'm a perfectionist so making this kind of stupid mistake; I'm really pissed off. Also, people just keep identifying me as the designer. It makes me so frustrated. Like, I can never step away from it. It makes me feel as though I failed as a designer and I'm failing as a photographer because I'm sorta...just in between? Neither a designer nor a photographer????

I'm feeling sort of lost right now. For location, the lecturer tells me to concentrate on the 'aesthetic' of the shots because apparently, that's what I'm good at. It's confusing, don't photographers have to take care of aesthetic too?? People tell me I've got a high sense of aesthetic value. I'm not boasting because I get even more confused when I get that. Seriously, aren't all photographers supposed to have a high aesthetic value!? I don't know how to explain it.

I'm not feeling confident now. People seem to recognize a designer's work in there more than a photographer's work. Some would say I'm getting good reviews and perhaps, I am really too fussy. Argh, that's just too much to explain; the story's too long.


One of my 'delicate' shots. Those are actually small little flowers placed around a section of a white basket. Lecturer said it'll put me in a good spot in the future because of my 'delicate' way of photographing. I wonder if she's saying that because she knows I'm terrible in esteem. Today, she pulled me into the line for looking at folio and told everyone else, "Michelle's next". And I wonder...does she think I'm weak? Ravin says she looks out for me, which is good. I don't want her to think I'm weak. People think I'm weak all my life.

I don't know if I'm heading the right direction because it seems I'm the only one shooting these kind of stuff. Everyone else is shooting on location. The lecturer said I'm on the right track and I should use my 'aesthetic sense' to my advantage. And I want to scream ( at no one in particular ), "stop looking at me as a designer!". My reputation is just..."designer" or "miss designer". I honestly don't know how I got there. I'm seriously not here nor there. Designer, photographer, designer, photographer. Neither.

Can you sense my frustration? I don't know what to think. Tonight, I'm just stumped. And lost.

The Clouds

You have GOT to be kidding me.

The weather's been crap lately. Yesterday, I had an appointment to shoot a friend for portraiture. However, the day started out gloomy, then sunny then it started raining. Today, the sun is out!! I tried calling my friend but at 9.20 in the morning, any student who doesn't have class would be sleeping. (-_-")

I know I can't expect people to be on standby mode. I've got an appointment to re-shoot a golfer tomorrow in the morning and the weather bureau says it's going to be partly cloudy. I'm stressed. The light is slowly disappearing as we welcome winter here. We've started our flash workshop so we can shoot portraitures with the help of flash. But, I do want some sunlight for at least some of the portraits.

...

*Screams* Only 3 more weeks till folio is due. I don't know if I can finish shooting in time. Wait, everyone is telling each other, "we can finish shooting but it's going to be shit shooting". Nooooooo.

:( Know any good bomohs to bring the sun out?

My Desk

It was 11pm. I was crouching in the park, digging around dirt and hissing to Joyi, "hurry up and dirty my fairy!!"

This was last night. Me, Joyi and Ravin went to the park near my place to look for autumn leaves and dirt for studio shoot today. Our topic this week was "Rust". We had to be careful in portraying the right feel of 'rust' - the passing of time, decay and old. I shot a narrative story of a garden, with rusty items, a fairy and a teddy bear. I felt so guilty dirtying up a $16.95 porcelain fairy. :( I'll get the film sheet back on Friday.

I didn't post last week's studio topic; which was "My Desk" - I did a desk of a baker. I dislike my shot. Yucks.



I went into studio not ironing my table cloth because the angle I had in mind - it would hide the creases. However, the lecturer showed me a new angle and it worked better. The creases of the table cloth is really annoying me. Argh, I want to throw this shot away!! I think it would have worked better if I shifted the camera a little lower - to crop away a little of the empty space and give more view of the wooden spoon. Also, I brought flour and I think placing some flour into the composition would be much better. I don't know why I didn't do it at that time when I had flour? *Bangs head on wall* Think, Michelle. Think harder, pay attention to fine detail!

That's just me, I'm really particular with my composition. Classmates have started telling me my studio shots are usually very 'composited', 'anal' or 'advertising-based'. I guess...thanks? Although, I don't agree with them, my shots are far from 'composited' or 'advertising-based'. But the lecturer said that it's all about progress.

4 more weeks till I come home. Yay. It also means 4 more weeks till all folio are due and we are assessed in front of a panel of photography lecturers. Boo.

Snap

I suppose some people think it's lame to take self-portraits. I know tons of photography students who hate it. I'm NOT one of them. Ha ha. :( Does that mean I'm a bad photographer who doesn't take my work seriously?

Mehhhh. <-- Some Aussies say this when they don't really care about stuff. It's so cute. It's my new favourite word, "mehhhh." I'll drag it to exaggerate the word. Mehhhhhhhh.




On 2nd thought, I don't like this one. I imagined if I smiled like this at Marionette, he'd shudder and just go, "can smile properly or not?".




I seriously need a haircut.

Something cool...but what? I asked Marionette if I could bleach part of my fringe to ash blonde. He almost screamed at me. "You can be radical but not that radical, okay?" he told me. (-_-") Okay. I don't think having ash blonde fringe would suit me anyway. Before that, I asked him, "should I grow my hair out?" He sighed and replied, "don't ask that already, can or not?". I keep giving him empty promises I'll keep it long.

Hmm. The problem is...I have too little hair and eating instant noodles most of the time doesn't help very much.

One whole entry about me, me, me and my hair. Oh wow. I'm sooo smart. ;) I'm a photographer. *Ditzy giggle*